Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
