So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
