just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
