I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
