Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
