Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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