first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
