I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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