Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
