hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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