My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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