Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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