You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
