I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
