Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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