Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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