I accidentally had phone sex last night
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
