Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
