So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Randomize
