You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
