I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
