Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
