Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
