I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
