How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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