The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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