I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
