I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
