the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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