ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
