listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
How's work?
Spinning.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
