My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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