I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
