Girls should come with a carfax report
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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