either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
