long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
