Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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