My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
