if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So much Jack, so little girl.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
