Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
