Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just saw a hot homeless man
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
