he shaved USA in his pubs
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
you made out with another girl for some wings
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
