Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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