Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
