ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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