There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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