the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
