You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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