You smell like a Billy Joel song
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
