Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
