i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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