whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
