one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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