If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
